Sanity's Loved Filled Insanity
by N. Murai
Summary: Pre-quel of sorts to my older story Cyanide for HeartBreaks.  Requested by SyuusukeLover4Ever.  Warning: There is character death at the end. You've been warned.


Murai: I finally got around to reading the reviews for my older stories and I found a few requests for a Sequel-Prequel of some sorts for Cyanide for Heartbreaks. So, for those one's who requested this, your wish has been granted. I apologize for not getting to this sooner. Read and Review please.

Rated: T  
>Theme: Suicide (You've been warned.)<br>Characters: Syuusuke F. and Kunimitsu T.

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><p>Syuusuke lay on his bed, staring at the white ceiling. Yumiko had come in earlier to see if he was okay. Of course he smiled and said nothing was bothering him, but instead it seemed the whole world was crashing around his head and he couldn't help it at all. He laid a hand over his eyes to block out the light. It hurt lately and it gave him migraines.<p>

He frowned and blocked out the sounds of the rest of the house. Yuuta's music was too loud. The only time he is home during the week and he chooses to spend it in his room. Away from him, his brother. Away from any interaction with him.

He sat up and looked around his room. It was picture perfect, just like he was supposed to be. Clean, orderly, and happy. Supposedly.

He grimaced and looked at his computer desk. There were pictures of him and his teammates. He smiled in all of them. He wanted to run away in all of them. On his bedside table lay another picture and a cactus, the picture not put up but laying down as if he had looked at it a thousand times before he fell asleep. Which he did every night, almost like a nightly ritual. The picture helped keep things in check. It helped him remember the good in his existence.

He picked up the picture and stared at it. His and Kunimitsu's face shone through. He frowned when he didn't get the result he wanted. He missed the awkward butterflies in his stomach when he saw Kunimitsu's face. It scared him to lengths. Does that mean he no more longed for the captain?

Syuusuke lay the picture down and sat up, laying a hand over his heart. No, he was sure he still wanted him, no matter what. He loved Kunimitsu.

That statement brought a whole new wave of questions. Does Kunimitsu not love me anymore? Does he feel ashamed of being with me? Is he not my rock of sanity? Can I not hold on to him any longer? Is he going to leave me for Ryoma? Or worse, Eiji?

No. Kunimitsu was Syuusuke's rock. He was Syuusuke's world. He thought of him night and day. He loved it when Kunimitsu decided to show up in his dreams.

Syuusuke shook his head and laughed a bit, bringing his knees to his chest.

"N-No. Kunimitsu is mine. Mine only." He murmured to the wind, giving another shaking laugh.

A voice from the back of his head, which he presumed was from Kami at the time (in reality it was his own), told him Kunimitsu had left him. Kunimitsu didn't want him. Kunimitsu wanted nothing to do with him.

'That would explain a lot.' He thought. 'His lack of affection, his lack of emotion, his lack of everything a real relationship should have.'

That revelation startled Syuusuke. It hurt. It felt as if a million arrows pierced through his heart a million times each. He grabbed the phone and called Kunimitsu's cell phone, but it was off as always. He called the house phone and Kunimitsu's mother answered.

"Hello? Tezuka residence." A woman's voice answered. He felt hot tears fall from his face.

"I-Is Kunimitsu there? It is Syuusuke."

"Yes, hold on a second Fuji-kun."

Syuusuke tried to even his breathing with a failing attempt when he heard Kunimitsu and his mother conversing.

"Hai?" Tezuka's deep voice gave Syuusuke a shiver down his spine and sent another wave of tears.

"Ss-saaa. Tezuka, it's nice to hear your voice again." Syuusuke could imagine Tezuka setting whatever he was doing down and walking to the window.

"Syuusuke what is wrong?" Kunimitsu asked sternly, like a father would to a child who wouldn't tell him why he was crying.

It hurt Syuusuke to be thought of that way.

"Oh, i-its nothing. I just wanted to tell you I love you. Goodbye." He hung up quickly and shot up out of his bed. He threw the phone across the room and went to his bedside table, opening the drawer and taking out a small bag of pills. Shoving it into his pocket he ran out the house without putting his shoes on and headed towards the park, the one with the ravine near it.

'Kunimitsu wouldn't care. No, no one would. Especially not Kunimitsu. Or Yuuta. They hate me. They hate me,' he though at he found a secluded place. He sat down on the ground and took the bag out of his pocket with shaking hands.

"Do it Syuusuke!" He yelled at himself when he couldn't find the courage to open the damned thing. Finally, with a laugh of relief he took two of the pills and put them in his mouth without second thought. He swallowed and made another unstable laugh.

He took a piece of paper of his pocket, and with a pen that he found lying on the ground he scribbled the last words he knows he truly feels.

I love you.


End file.
